4 Confusing statements that frustrate teenagers.

From; adult conversations, saving money, sharing items and drinking under supervision. Each one of these statements needs to be explained to your teen.

They asked so you are informed!

I was writing another blog post when my oldest daughter requested me to write this specific blog post. She and her friends had discussed these statements before and talked about how they hated hearing them.

She would like me to get the word out.

As a child of divorced parents, she is subject to two different households. Thus two different parenting archetypes.

I have never said these statements to my kids, but I have heard them before. So here is my take on these statements given to me by her friends and schoolmates.

Adults having a conversation in front of a child

“This is a grown-up conversation.”

Why is it a grown-up conversation she asked? What makes the conversation only be for adults?

My daughter makes a good point here. What makes an adult conversation an adult conversation?

So then, I google that very question to answer a question I cannot answer.

I am highly knowledgeable in rhetoric, ethics, and philosophy. I cannot answer the question.

My parents raised talking to me and treating me like a person. What you would call “how we treat an adult”.

As a child, I would have these full-length in-depth conversations with adults. With some of the stories being wild fabrications of my imagination, never the less, they were in-depth conversations.

My mother likes to tell of the time; when a very nice lady came to her and said, she didn’t know that we lived on a ranch and raised horses.

Needless to say, we did not live on a ranch or have horses.

I could not find one clear answer on the web about this topic. I found numerous topics on conversations around children.

Although if you look at it perspective, those are two different questions.

There is a clear and cut answer to conversations that you shouldn’t have around children or teenagers.

If you would like to read more about that topic, read this article, and if you want to learn about 5 Adult Conversations You Should Let Your Kids Overhear Click here.

I the old day’s parents talked freely in front of children and children learned from those adult conversations.

Like what to do in the future in those situations.

Second Hand knowledge can be as useful as first hand knowledge.

In Conclusion, I don’t have a definite answer for you. All I can do is advise you not to use this statement. Subsequently, if you do, explain to your child why it is an adult conversation.

 

Money

“You need to save your money.”

Now it is good to save your money and practice saving your money although it is good to teach your child more importantly, how to properly spend their money.

Teach Safe spending rather than hoarding and saving. For example. If you teach saving your money, but you do not emphasize on spending wisely and intelligently.

As a teenager, you need to show them how to purchase items and services.

How will they survive when they have no money to save?

To create a stockpile, aka savings, you need to make your output less than your intake.

Hence spend less, save more. But what happens if you teach that mentality. You get a cheapskate that buys on price and looks only at the bottom line.

Teach safe spending but teaching smart dealings of purchase.

This is what I teach my daughters to think when shopping for anything to purchase, whether it be a product or service.

  • What product is going to give me the most value within my budget?
  • What feature or attributes does each option have
  • In those attributes, examine the features that are the same and then compare the difference
  • From those different attributes which have more value for me?
  • Does that value equal to the amount of money I am giving in exchange?
  • Determine the value vs. m.onetary value of each option?
  • Time- Does this product save time or give convenience?
  • Time – Or what is the longevity of the products or service?
  • Which option give you the most for value, time, and satisfies your budget.

So how do you determine your budget?

Within that segmented budget, you would discover the average price of the product or service that you want to acquire.

Based on the average price you take the highest reasonable cost you can afford.

So now you have a top price that you know is your ceiling max. Meaning any product or service that are out of the total is immediately removed from decision making.

By knowing the average, you have a baseline to see value in the product or service.

Through these processes, your teenager can make swift informative answers that can save time, jump on opportunities, and not be scammed in life.

All of these qualities save your teen money and financial stress.

I didn’t know how to spend smart when I was young. I was taught to save my money in a bank. But every time I kept. I ended up using that money for an emergency, work, or vacation.

Knowing how to use your money wisely can save time, make you more money, and allows you to be satisfied with your spending.

babies sharing a tablet

“You have to share.”

Adults don’t share, and you should understand that some things hold personal value.

Not everything needs to be shared.

Some items are made to be shared like food, and some things like clothing can be situationally shared.

Everyone has a favorite item or a piece of clothing. It’s instinctual for us to like things and wants to hoard them.

Make the things that your child has to share is something they want to share.

Forcing your child to share does not teach sharing. It builds resentment.

Demonstrating the act of genuine sharing is the way to show how to share with others properly.

But I don’t seem many adults are sharing their things with other adults — that 50’s mentality of lending stuff to neighbors and the time when fences were only for decoration.

If you want your child to share then teach them how to share by demonstrating when the right times are and when it’s ok not to share.

It’s polite not to share things.

Beer in cups on a wood board

“It’s ok to drink as long as its at home”: drinking and drug experimentation under adult supervision.

My daughter brought this to my attention.

That some parents tell and allow their teenagers to drink alcohol and smoke weed in the household. As long as it is under their supervision and home.

Now I didn’t drink or smoke in high school. I was a good kid and made good grades, played sports, and did art.

My friends and I enjoyed hanging out, and none of us ever liked alcohol.

We were all about coffee at the time. Which looks like it hasn’t changed one bit every time I go to a Starbucks.

But I was a confident teenager that knew the repercussions of drinking and what it did to the body.

There was a great class taught in high school by the best teacher, Mr. McQueen. It was a life skills class. All we did was discuss what happens in life, behaviors s attitudes, and choices we would have to make later in life.

I took two years of this class, and it was the most beneficial class. I hope there are still programs like that.

In that class, he taught what alcohol and marijuana did to your body.

Even though what he taught about weed was incorrect, what he taught about alcohol and its effects were correct.

Especially on youth and their development.

Fast forward to when I turned 21. It was expected of me as a right of passage to get as drunk as possible. This motivation to get wasted continued throughout the years, at parties, birthdays, or events till my mid 30’s.

It wasn’t till 35 that I woke up, with gout, that I learned that alcohol could place a toll on your body.

So I do not condone these parents encouraging this binge drinking lifestyle.

I do believe in having your teenager sample various alcohols with you and under your supervision. But this is for their future safety.

The age is dependent on you, but a reasonable period is between 15-17 years old.

Five reasons why you want to have your teenager sample different alcohols with you.

  1. To establish what each alcohol tastes like, thus eliminating curiosity, which leads to experimentation.
  2. To see if they have any allergic reactions or discomfort.
  3. To understand the time delay effects of alcohol
  4. Again with understanding what you don’t like tasting, empowers your teen to say no, because they already know it tastes like.
  5. Lastly, To give your teen the knowledge to detect alcohol in a drink.

 

Don’t wait till 21, it too late. Statistically then will have already tried it and statistically, the more strict you are. The more they experiment.

If you want you teen to make good choices and avoid peer pressure, Teach them how

  • How to get out of a situation and get to safety.
  • How to be confident and stand your ground while being able to have a good time
  • What things to look for, any red flags that put you in an uncomfortable situation
  • How to use rhetoric to persuade people to leave you alone
  • Understands the developmental problems that alcohol and marijuana can have on the brain until after 22 years of age.

I have given my teenagers the facts and the effect of alcohol. The hangovers are not worth the blurry memories and shenanigans I endured.

In the long run, I had fun in my drinking days even though I made some fun and entertaining stories, although I wish for a more comfortable and happier life for my daughters.

I would rather them keep to a narrow centered path with moderation and healthy lifestyle.

Because life has enough pitfalls and shit that it throws at you, then why would you add other problems on top of it, just because it makes you forget about the first problem.

You can be a “cool parent” without being a “friendly parent” to your teenager.

Teach your teen about alcohol and weed. Explain that alcohol is not bad in moderation and can be enjoyed when they are an adult.

In conclusion

If you are saying these things to your teenagers. Just be mindful that you may want to change your words or habits in their best interest. Also, explain what you mean when you are saying these things to them, so they understand.