Parent your kids like an apprenticeship not like a dictatorship
As a man that turns the big 40 this year, I still can remember all the feelings of hatred I had a kid from having to do things for adults.
I never forgot how it felt to be told to do things for adults that they easily could do but were lazy.
I vowed when I had children, I would not make them do things for me in that way. If I was capable and wanted the TV remote, I could get up and get the remote myself.
I absolutely hated my dad asking me for the remote when he was clearly closer than me. My youngest daughter reminds me of how much this happens.
Of course, I ask them for help when needed, but throughout I am guilty of acting like a king and not a parent.
This post is not to scold anyone for using their kids as servants. I get it, sometimes you need too.
What I am asking is not to treat them like slaves or servants. Instead let us look into the past, the time of apprenticeships.
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- 42.1% of kids admit they have seen online porn. One in 16 has been exposed to hardcore pornography.
- One in 12 has exchanged messages with sexual content to other people, while one in 25 has sent graphic photos of themselves.
- 3. 25% of children get away with pretending to be older to get an account online.
- One in 20 children admitted to arranging a secret meeting with someone they met online.
- Almost three in 10 parents (29%) let their kids use the internet without any restrictions or supervision.
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You may be asking what does an apprenticeship have to do with parenting?
It is a perfectly reasonable question, and I have an entirely right answer to why you should treat your children like apprentices rather than kids.
My advice is to stop treating your child as a “kid.”
A kid has no respectability, no credibility; a kid has always been a reference to being inferior and inexperienced.
I am not saying to stop using the word kid but think of the word “kid” as a general mindset that encompasses the tone of being treated as a “kid.”
For example, if I was a new guy at a job site, an unskilled worker, the brand new guy.
The senior workers more than likely would call me”Kid” until I had proven myself over time because the word kid implies someone younger and inferior.
The word initially meant young goat and wasn’t used to refer to a child till the 1590s as slang.
It seems that the word “kid” just like the word “nice” can have a negative connotation.
Five hundred years ago, nice was first used in English, it meant “foolish or stupid.” Originally French from the Latin word nescius, meaning “ignorant.”
What do I mean to stop treating your child as a “kid”?
Well, it seems like every time I go out shopping, especially the supermarket or even the mall. I will be in a store like Macy’s, just browsing and I will hear some parent yelling at their child or some child just screaming their head off.
It’s quite frustrating and unnerving to have anyone to throw a tantrum in public. Your job as a parent is to teach your child how to cope with things. How to control your emotions and desires.
I come across More parents cursing, showing no manners and disrespect for the community of others. To be a functional adult is to be a good citizen as well.
We wonder why everyone is rude to each other is because we forgot to teach what being a citizen really is and the responsibility that we all share to be one.
The ones of us that were naturally born here do not have the same understanding of what it is to be a citizen. Here is a reminder of what it means to be a citizen.
Stop yelling and telling your children what to do.
From a managerial and business aspect, it is not useful or efficient to yell at someone to do something.
Communication break down happens when both parties do not have a clear understanding of terminology and processes.
Why would you think your undereducated and inexperienced child would know how to execute what you expect. It sounds revolutionary in this day and age, but the best way to raise your child is to, wait for it, lead by example.
A great manager of a team will train his teammates to know where to be, how to act, and what to do in a scenario. They work in sync; they have clear communication with one another and possess the same mindset.
By treating your children as apprentices, you will show your children how to behave in situations; you will spend more time communicating with them and develop a mindset to understand each other.
It seems simple, but I do not see many parents doing this. They are all on the phones, yelling at their kids, and dealing with rebellious youth problems.
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Tell your stories
As I stated before, I have two teenage daughters. We openly joke, laugh, and talk about sex because it is embarrassing for a young person. Humor is an excellent communicational bridge for uncomfortable topics.
Laughter and jokes make it easier to ask questions and communicate about those feeling. I guide my children by telling my personal stories.
I share my faults and embarrassing stories, along with stories where I triumph. Sharing stories that you usually would not want your children to know about, but that is the point.
I cannot tell you how many stories I have heard over the years. The majority of the stories were about parents talking about their grown children making the same mistakes they made.
The story was always pretty much the same no matter race or generation. The parent would tell me they try everything in their power to stop their “kids” from making mistakes they made.
Not all of the “kids” made the exact same mistake, but they still cause grief to the family.
This even transfers from families to families, where later on after the aftermath. Someone will share a story of struggle, and another person will tell a very close account of their battle.
The way to start to break this mold is to communicate and share with your children.
Treat them like an apprentice that will continue on your business.
By this, you will become a better parent through listening to your children. In this day and age or even when I was a child, no one hears what you have to say.
Children are way more insightful than adults, and we should listen to them more for their input. They remind you of what you have lost.
Their eyes are open to their own interpretation and not following someone else point of view yet.
That childlike wisdom will honestly make you a much better person.
I still can remember my oldest daughter, she was about 11, telling me how polite I was to everyone I meet.
Now I am not polite to everyone all the time, that would be exhausting, but I do strive to be respectful to everyone.
By my daughter pointing that out to me, made me feel good and shows why she is so level headed and polite to everyone.
Explains Things to your children.
Why we do what we do and if we don’t. What is the consequence?
I also explain why I do things to my children and always have.
I take the time to inform them why we do things, how to behave in society, what is appropriate with adults, and what is not.
How to deal with struggles with dealing with other people personalities. I encourage them to solve their own issues as much as they can. And give them different options.
I found if you give one piece of advice to someone, they cannot connect the dots to their own ideas.
But giving or telling multiple stories it jogs the brain and creativity. Remember, creativity is not just for art, creativity solves big problems.
The stories you share do not have to be your own.
I tell stories about friends, things I have seen happen in real life or on TV. I am a big learner, meaning I love to learn about anything.
The more you know, the more you can cross-reference ideas to come up with a creative solution.
I tell stories to my children about historical figures, products, and the psychology of decision making.
Develop your child’s cognitive skills
I believe if you can develop strong cognitive/decision-making skills, emotional management, have an excellent overall knowledge of your physical body and sense of spirituality.
Your child will grow up to be a successful well-mannered adult. If we had a majority of individuals that practiced this.
Everybody’s quality of life would increase.
I recommend these books to help.
She was Just Plain Rude
I have dated many women, as I am divorced, and I have encountered too many single moms where their kids were out of control.
Not just one or two, but a few of them were so bad they could not go to the store with their child.
Their kid was controlling their life and life decision.
I have had one date, where the son regularly called his mom during our engagement.
My female date kept taking her sons calls, which was rude by the way. So if you are a single mom and have a needing child.
Fix your needy kid before dating someone.
Anyways, her son was 15 and didn’t want any food that was in the house and requested pizza to be ordered, but he didn’t want to order it himself, so she sat there for a good 15 min ordering his food to be delivered.
I would like to say this was a one-time affair, but I honestly have come across variants of this behavior.
Single moms are notorious for overcompensating for their young and inturns feeds their own problems later on when they become teenagers.
Colleagues of mine that have children of the same age used to complain of issues with their children.
Smoking, vaping, boys, girls, drugs, etc.
Do you communicate and know what is happening in their personal life?
So what does that tell you? Bad decisions happen, and there are too many pitfalls in this world to save your children from falling. So my conclusion to producing an excellent adult to also share your knowledge, your stories, others stories, and experience. Educate your self to teach your child. If he or she is struggling in a subject, learn that subject along with them. You can share the struggle of learning and show them how to progress. If you are going to give me the excuse that you don’t have enough time or that you are not educated enough. You could benefit from learning what they are learning and spending time with them. Plus learning what they are learning, allows you to see what they are being taught, giving you the chance to add or correct the information
Spend time showing how to do things and explain why you do things a certain way. It’s best to teach a person through positive views by displaying them. Show them what not to do so they don’t have problems that happen to you in the past. Explain why we do things the way you do them. Explain why you do it in the order you do it and what happens if you skip or mess the order up of the steps.
Do they do what you ask of them when you do ask something of them?
Lead by example. I personally do not ask anything of my children that I am not capable of performing myself. Showing hard work and discipline molds a strong character. As an example, when we pick weeds, I am outside pulling weeds with them. The more skilled your child becomes, the more confident the will become in themselves.