The Instant Love Trap! For the ones who fall fast in love.

Do you have a tendency to fall fast in love?

Have you been described or told that you fall in love too quickly by friends or family?

Perhaps you go through a lot of love interests that seem to create drama and bad breakups?

Or maybe you move quickly in relationships, only to break up within a year or two, over and over. Then this article is for you.

You aren’t alone by any means. I have claimed victim to this endless “Love trap” of a game we all tend to play out.

It is called the instant love trap and it has been taught to you, me and all of us without us knowing.

We all have at least seen this Instant Love trap happen to someone if not yourself. It plays out in a linear fashion and takes no prisoners. Some don’t ever get out of the trap and some end up breaking the cycle when they do find the right one. Hence the name love trap. We all have been indoctrinated into this game through, TV, Movies, friends, family, and bad relationship advice from those how to use this playbook without knowing it is a script.

Here is the rundown of how the Instant Love trap begins, works and ends in a blaze of fire.

I hate nothing about you with a neon heart

The Perfect Love

He’s/She’s the one!

Couple loving each other

We all have been infatuated with someone and thought that they were absolutely perfect. Everything about them is awesome and you just cannot get enough time thinking about them. You cannot wait to hear from them and tell them about your day or what just happen. Including seeing them as much as possible in the shortest amount of time. Spending whole days together and giving in to every whim that comes to mind.

I have seen friends and myself fall into this spell. Where you spend a large quantity of your time contemplating your future with this special person. Why shouldn’t you, they are just so perfect for you. You just cannot wait to play hooky or put your life on hold to spend some much need time with this fantastic person. They mean the world to you and you what to give the world back to them.

Then those words and feelings of infatuation/passion, explode into “I love you so much”.

If you find yourself worrying about the text you sent or why they haven’t responded is a good warning you heading in the wrong direction.

Love in the English dictionary means so many things and is flung around like a rubber band.

I love art, I love to hike, I love sports, I love my Dog, I love myself, I love my car, I love my job, I love everything!

Love

The Definition of Love is:

noun
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
sexual passion or desire.
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verb (used with object), loved, lov·ing.
to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
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verb (used without object), loved, lov·ing.
to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

Love means multiple things and is an emotion just like anger. Don’t let it control you.

Attack Love – Red Flag Warning #1

women laying her head on boyfriend's shoulder

If you feel attacked when a friend or family member does not like your new love interest or opposes your actions about your new love interest.

THIS IS RED FLAG WARNING #1!

Your friends and family, the ones that you now truly care about you. Says or opposes your new relationship or has reservations about your relationship.

LISTEN! They are warning you of your behavior and the trap you are running into. If you becoming more and more defensive, either over your actions, your new loves actions or the actions of both of you. Take this warning as to end the relationship now. It cannot be fixed as you are with the wrong person. Again if you are reading this and you say to your self, “that’s harsh”, you need to come to the reality that he or she is not for you. Your relationship is not healthy and not heading in the right direction. If you do not listen to me now, you will end up on step 3 before you know it.

Isolation

Couple kissing while the female is showing her ring off in your face

After being manipulated to feel you are being attacked by your peers or family members.

You will disconnect yourself from them. If they don’t like your significate other, you will avoid taking about he/she or overcompensate your conversations, building them up.

Isolating your relationship from others becuase they don’t see eye to eye or feel the same way about this wonderful person who is causing drama and grief unannounced to you at this time.

But wait, it’s coming, your just too stupid with love right now to see what is really going on and coming.

Your instant love has turned into future love and what all the wonderful possibilities can happen with this love of yours. No one can break you apart.

Devotion & Separation of Family and Friends – Red Flag #2

couple holding hands in love

The love trap has gain full hold of you now. After Isolation, one tends to devote their time, attention and efforts to the other person in their life. Alienating friend and family from their lives.

They become more infatuated with their significate other. Sometimes avoiding routines, responsibilities or hobbies.

I found myself doing this more than once in a relationship. Where I was spending every waking moment with my girlfriend, My friends wondered if I was still alive and my family was worried about me. As I was not acting myself, I was not working out as I used too. I stopped doing the activities and hobbies that I used to enjoy, but since my girlfriend did not. I slowly abandoned what made me and happy.

If you are this far into your relationship which happens between 3 months to a year, is usually the timeframe, although I have seen couples extend this period of time. Consequently, the next step is not so loving back. The love trap has been set and ready to be tripped.

Anger & Separation – Red Flag #3

a couple standing in a doorway

Unfortunately, this part of the Instant love Trap is sprung when couples decide to move in together.

The fights and resentment start to rear its ugly head. But this is all part of love right?

That is what we see from others and on the TV or in movies. The man or women wins their love only to ousted with a big fat lie and a large fight happens. Only to be resolved by that individual showing up last minute in an airport to win their forgiveness and love back.

This is the biggest trap to be conceived and sold to us as normal. Normally in this stage, the love of your life has turned into a big pain in the ass in your love. Little things get on your nerves. Your relationship with family and friends are stained. You are tired of your unhappiness and the constant guilt of defending your love starts to get to you.

Fights break out about little things or big things. Cheating and wandering eyes usually happen at this time as well. Constant suspicion or paranoia sets in. Driving one mad and upset. Leading to breakups, makeups, more breakups, moving out and taking a break.

If you have uttered the words, “we are on a break right now”. Your deep in this swamp or more appropriately quicksand of sad love.

Realization

Realization of your Love trap comes around this time. During your time of taking a break. Most of us reconnect to our friends or family. We begin to take back our life and realize we have been ignoring ourselves.

It’s a scientific thing with prolong exposure with people, we absorb good and bad characteristics. It takes your own isolation from that person to discover you again.

man in the forest at a fork in the road

Subsequently, this is where the fork in the road happens. One road leads to immediate breakup and the latter leads to getting back together. This road has a tendency to boomerang right back to the fork. Particularly to persons that do not learn from their mistakes and cannot read the writing on the wall.

Breakup

Most of us have been here. Bad breakups plain and simple. Even if it isn’t a bad break but a mutual thing. That truce to stay friends never happens for very long. If you do stay friends with your ex then problems usually do follow along with it. Along with confusing and conflicting emotions. It wreaks havoc on your emotional stability and happiness.

This is where our friends try to overcompensate by taking out to find a booty call or random stranger to get over your ex. I don’t know why we think getting drunk and finding someone new will fill your void and heartache in your life at the moment.

The last thing you need in your life at this time is another problem.

Dispair

poem about love
Love is none of these things. It is an emotion to be managed just like anger or frustration.

At this point you feel like a loser and that no one will ever love you the way you love them. The instant love trap has been sprung and disabled you to think clearly.

You feel alone and unloveable. hence this is where the ice cream or binge drinking takes a hold of you. Depending on what you use as a coping mechanism.

Emptiness and self wallow follow right behind. Until you find another person that is like your last love but different. He or she takes the place of your lost love. The instant love trap has been set again!

man in despair

On a side note from experience. My ex-girlfriend that I ended spending all my waking time with, moved in together, didn’t see my friends because she didn’t like me going out without her and then ended up moving together. We broke up due to complication like everyone says and took a break. After realizing it wasn’t going to work, my buddy dragged me to vegas with him to have a good time. On our way back she had let herself in with a key she had and found items, I had purchased for her before the breakup and assumed they were for another woman. She threw a fit but told me that her friend took her out and she almost slept with a stranger. We ended up back together for a short period of time after talking (big mistake). Ending it finally a few months later. I have stayed single since, going on 8 years now, but she found her husband right after within a few weeks on Tinder. I wonder if that will last?

End The Cycle

Exit of this train of a bad relationship and phony Love. The instant love trap becomes a revolving door for most. They do not break the cycle of falling in love quick, leading to drama and ending in heartbreak, only to start right back up.

If you find yourself constantly going through girlfriends or boyfriends. Having these same issues or perhaps you are in ones of these Love traps. You are not in love. Forget the advice from friends that repeat these actions and listen to the ones that have healthy lasting relationships. They are far and few these days but I know of some.

Remember you choose to Love someone. You have the power to allow people in your life and into your heart so take the time to make sure that person is real and right for you.

Keep your distance a first and let time guide you to a long relationship. Too many women and men, talk about marriage and having a family on the first date. Dates are interviews and feeling the other person out. if you find yourself with your date and there is nothing to talk about, then how do you think the next few years is going to turn out. I wouldn’t ask you in an interview for a job, “how would you run this company before you have even started working here.”

Sad to say it takes around 2 to 3 years before we truly become fully comfortable with someone. We as people are great pretenders and hide our true selves not only from others but ourselves. Which leads me to the point, don’t date until you are confident in yourself. Another person job is not to make you confident that defeats the meaning of the word. Take the time to learn about yourself, what you enjoy and what you want to share with someone.

Find someone that helps push you to be better and not drag you down. The love of your life should be the one that helps you get back up, motivates and supports your goals. Takes your emotions and thoughts into consideration.

Do not be glamorized by actions of things, like flowers, trips or presents. Those items and actions come and go.

Someone who truly loves you, love themselves and others through their words and behaviors.


priscilla du preez  unsplash

Extra – The 3 Month Ghost

The 3 month Ghost refers to friends with benefits, affairs, and flings. These relationships last no longer than three months usually before being ghosted. So if you are wondering what happened to that guy or girl. They moved on and will only contact you when they have exhausted their other options.

Understand they do not care about you, your feelings or your thoughts. They are only in it for the lust. if you are looking for that, just know it is short-lived.