For any parent raising a child can be very difficult. It is a time-consuming, patience driven and financially straining job. My advice in no way is to come off like I know all. My advice is simply here to be shared as a point of view and reference. I believe everyone’s case and scenario differs.
What do I mean?
A kid has no respectability, no credibility; a kid has always been a reference to being inferior and inexperienced. I am not saying to stop using the word kid but think of the word “kid” as a general mindset that encompasses the tone of being treated as a “kid.” For example, if I was a new guy at a job site, an unskilled worker, the brand new guy. The senior workers more than likely would call me “Kid” until I had proven myself over time because the word kid implies someone younger and inferior. The word originally meant young goat and wasn’t used to refer to a child till the ’90’s as slang. It seems that the word “kid” just like the word “nice” can have a negative connotation.
Five hundred years ago, nice in English, meant “foolish or stupid” Originally French from the Latin word nescius, meaning “ignorant”
An excerpt from the American Speech, Language, Hearing Association.
The “right” words can mean the difference between being misunderstood or being clear in your communications. Well-timed words mean the difference between being hopeful and supportive or judgmental and condescending.
Words can harm, or words can heal. Dr. Masaru Emoto is a Japanese alternative healer and researcher who has become famous for his experiments with water molecules and the effect that positive thoughts (words) have on bottled water. Read the following summary of his experiments:
Most people first heard of Dr. Emoto in 2004 when the hit movie What The Bleep Do We Know? was released. In the documentary-style film, Dr. Emoto’s findings on the energy of thoughts are demonstrated.
His central premise put forward is that human beings can affect the shape and molecular structure of water just through conscious intention. He demonstrates this in two ways: first by showing images of water molecules from the Fujiwara Dam, before and after they have been blessed by a Zen Buddhist monk. He then shows the impact of labeling bottles of distilled water with thoughts. Some bottles feature positive thoughts, while others feature negative ones. He then freezes contents from each bottle and photographs them at sub-zero temperatures using a high powered microscopic camera.
The resulting shape, color, and structure of the water crystals show [sic] a marked variation. Water from bottles that were labeled with positive messages have [sic] intricate structures and shiny, diamond-like reflective qualities. Those that were labeled with negative thoughts have deformed, collapsed structures with black holes and yellow-tinged edges. [Dr. Masaru Emoto: The Power Of Thoughts]
What do I mean to stop treating your child as a “kid”?
Well, it seems like every time I go out shopping, especially the supermarket or even the mall. I will be in a store like Macy’s, just browsing and I will hear some parent yelling at their child or some child just screaming their head off.
It’s quite frustrating and unnerving to have anyone to throw a tantrum in public. Your job as a parent is to teach your child how to cope with things. How to control your emotions and desires.
I come across More parents cursing, showing no manners and disrespect for the community of others. To be a good adult is to be a good citizen as well.
We wonder why everyone is rude to each other is because we forgot to teach what being a citizen really is and the responsibility that we all share to be one.
The ones of us that were naturally born here do not have the same understanding of what it is to be a citizen. Here is a reminder of what it means to be a citizen.
Raise a good law abiding, tax paying citizen.
That seems like fair responsibilities to me and easy enough to follow. But have you noticed that many people don’t follow these simple responsibilities?
I can’t tell you how many people throughout the years used to brag about not paying taxes.
Guess who learns from that mindset and actions?
Treating children as they are “kids” as if they don’t pick up on things, understand what you are speaking about or its none of their business, impacts them.
Your child is a sponge even till their teens, they just act like they don’t listen.
Instead of treating your child like they won’t understand adults subjects and once they mature to a certain age they will learn on their own, treat your child as a model person who will one day grow up to be a good citizen towards others, care for themselves and provide for the family in the way they can.
Now there is more to a person and what to teach a child. But we have forgotten as a society to have young adults adsorb and acquire the fundamentals to function in society.
If society breaks down then all hell breaks loose, as everyone feels like they can do whatever they feel like. Take for instance master-planned communities for an example. These master plan communities come with strict and most annoying rules and regulations.
But these strict and sometimes idiotic rules protect the community and keeps the neighborhood more pleasant. If your role down the street to an older neighborhood where there isn’t an agreement of standards or rules that everyone must abide by.
You will find higher crime, cars in front of homes, trash, etc. Don’t get me wrong I am not judging anyone or saying a class of people are better. But the poor communities are dire because of the lack of respect and responsibility to their community.
We can raise better children by showing them how to be better people
Now I have two children, both girls, 13 and 15. Every time I tell someone I have two teenage daughters, they shriek and console me that they will get better.
I have no problems with my daughters but we started long ago to get where we are. So I know what it is like to have a child have a temper tantrum or being a pain in the ass.
Again I understand every parent struggle, but my children stopped their emotional breakdowns around the ripe age of 3. It did not continue to progress through their toddler years to their adult years, like most adults.
I have met so many adults that do not practice emotional control. Just google people losing their shit on youtube, endless videos of adults having meltdowns. Now if you are a parent that would like to raise a decent human being that respects themselves, others, and behaves in public. You are going to have to stop scolding and directing your children.
You are going to show them instead of how to behave, how to react and control one’s emotions. I know, you are probably what the hell, my child is the problem. Your child has learned from you on how you act and overreact to things.
Think deep into your self,?
Are you showing and demonstrating the same request you are making?
If I yelled at my daughters to stop fighting with each other, I am explaining yelling is ok to resolve this issue.
Like I said before, your children are like sponges.
Let them absorb knowledge, experience, failure, and struggle at an early age. Share what you know with your children and expose them to various elders that will also share their incredible stories for them to gain experience secondhand. Second-hand knowledge can be even more potent than first-hand knowledge, as the second guy with information of the first guy can bypass his mistakes. Hence share your struggles and stories with your children, I cannot stress it more.
We would all be better people and society if we shared our stories and struggles more. Read my article about sharing stories here.
Let them absorb knowledge, experience, failure, and struggle at an early age.
Also, parents who treat their young children as a child that cannot perform any tasks without assistance, hinder that child’s cognitive development. I know mothers like to do things for their children, but you also have a responsibility to have your son or daughter acquire skills to progress in life.
Cut out baby talk altogether.
It’s disruptive and also stumps language acquisition. This is how we learn to communicate by hearing clear and presentable input. The clearer and more enunciated words lead to a child with a larger vocabulary and proper speech.
The pitch and tone of your voice also have a lot to do with your child paying attention to you or not.
“The tone of voice we use when speaking to our children influences, very heavily, our message. It influences how they are going to receive our message as parents. When we use a sarcastic, humiliating, degrading tone of voice with them, our children have already shut down. They have stopped listening. It’s not the message that we are talking about, it’s the tone. It’s the delivery of the message. When you come from a place of anger, our children will hear that. When you come from a place of love and openness, they’ll hear that. The tone of voice is important. Also, when you are using your tone of voice with them, know that you are modeling. It’s a way to speak to people, to speak, to their peers, to speak to their teachers, to speak to others in their lives.”
In Conclusion, all I am asking is to raise a good person and not a baby goat, aka a kid, that consumes everything.
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