We all need to work on our communication skills frankly. In today’s society communicating and understanding it is at an all-time peak.
Every day we are bombarded with individuals who act strange but want acceptance, people triggered by certain issues, and the overall lack of listening.
It seems everyone today wants to be heard and recognized, but they do not want to acknowledge or listen to others who may feel differently.
No time in history can a person communicate live across the world and share personal knowledge and experience to another person clear across the world.
That does not even speak the same language.
But we have tools to translate. An able mind can open an online store.
Set up drop shipping from a factory he or she has never been too.
They can hire individuals across the world to help them set up an online business to create an online store.
An individual can earn money through having thousands, sometimes millions, of followers. They can express themselves, share their knowledge and experiences.
We can live vicariously and travel the world with some of these nomad travel vloggers on Youtube.
My point is that today the world can communicate in real-time. We can share knowledge and experiences like no other time in history.
So have you spent the time to educate, create an understanding with your child and teach them how to communicate?
Have you spent time teaching how to properly communicate with people on the internet (social media), in person and over the phone?
Maintain and establish guidelines to keep them safe and what is tolerated.
Social Media, Tinder, & The Internet Oh My!
Besides teaching your child how to communicate in a person to person scenario. The most offensive and dangerous attacks these days comes from social media.
There is an empowerment to an individual, whether child or adult, to have anonymity. An alter ego can emerge or the safety of hiding behind a keyboard.
There isn’t an immediate repercussion from whatever you just said.
For instance in real life, in person, if some people said what they say on Facebook or even through text.
They would have to face physical, verbal, and emotional backlash.
When you argue with someone, you can not say the things that normally one would be free to say over text. Perhaps you don’t want the drama or its to mean to say in public.
As a parent, you need to instill a self of responsibility for your words, on top of your actions. Not just spoken but written or typed.
Educated your child or teen:
- What is appropriate and not appropriate to post or chat about.
- What is appropriate and not appropriate photos to be taken with their phone or with anyone.
- When social media, texting and surfing the internet is allowed and not allowed.
- The value and the power of words we use, the order which we use them and how we use them
- That they have a personal responsibility to uphold. Their actions online can have serious repercussions.
- What to look for and notice a when someone is acting like a pedophile or trolling them
- When you as the parents should be warned if something happens. Tell your child when to talk to you if certain things happen.
Some of these things sound like a no brainer and some you may have never thought of. The point is to make set guideline with your child, so they know when to talk to you.
If you never bring it up, they won’t think of it.
Read these articles to help identify problems on the line
Here are some known symbols to look for. Strangely the mall close to us has one of these symbols as there logo with no alteration.
My mother uses the next door app religiously and tells me of stories where parents have caught pedophile behavior there.
I also have witnessed a check out clerk wearing a necklace like the one below. It was a triangle with another triangle, exactly like the ones shown on this FBI document.
Educated and inform your child to identify these things to keep them safe. Be wary of who is communicating with your child.
The Tinder problem
My daughter has been honest with me that their friends at school play around with tinder at lunchtime.
They find it hilarious swiping through the photos and seeing if they match with someone.
Above all, the biggest issue is that they easily lied about their age, placed their own photo out there and attracting potential meets ups.
I remember how young teenage girls love older men in high school. A 19 boy is so hot to a 16 or 17 girl.
Stay informed to the latest dating/communication apps and don’t be afraid to ask to see their phone. The same respect should back towards your teen. In retrospect, they should have the right to view your phone as well.
You cannot request your child to comply with something you are not willing to do yourself. Don’t act upset if they hide things because you taught them how to hide things.
They learned that action from you. Trusting acts work in both ways and should be forthright to receive it.
Stay involved, not nosey if their life.
Inquire about their day,
- What conversations do you have today?
- Anything cool, funny or interesting happen at school today?
- What did your friends talk about today or what did you do at lunch with friends?
- Any good Gossip or drama?
For the most part, to gossip is human nature. Gossiping has been known to elevate moods.
In this case, keep gossip to your guidelines and a minimum, but it’s a great conversational starter.
Allowing them to complain about their life without judgment, equates to you complaining to your spouse or friends about your life or job. We all need to decompress through complaining or gossiping.
By hearing gossips, what their friends are doing and hearing whom they are communicating with. They will inform you of the problems you may see to address and correct.
It’s a constant redirecting with teenagers, to stay on the path.
For example, do not hover or guard your child but notice future issues to fix now.
If you want to protect your child and keep track of their mobile activities. Then I highly recommend Spy App Mobile. It has multiple features that you can use or not use depending on how strict you want to be.
Make sure your child or teen is not on Tinder. They shouldn’t be and they may play around like its a game. But intrigue turns into action very quickly.
I and my ex-wife have put notifications on certain content. This makes her mindful that an alert will be made and be followed up by an uncomfortable conversation.
Communication in person, knowing how to act.
My family comes from a long line of salespeople. Generations of salesman and saleswoman. As a result, you can say that I come from a long line of bullshitters.
Back when I sold doors, frames, and hardware to large corporations and schools.
I used to joke with my clients that, ” I manufacture, package and distribute my own bullshit. In this case, if you heard this BS before, it wasn’t from me, this is freshly made BS just for you.”
My straightforward, confident and humor always won over the hardest critic.
I have always told people how I see and feel about things. Call it like I see it but with humor.
Regardless of who they were. Hence, Bosses and I never clicked well, no one likes being called out. When your worker is pointing out that you are clearly not doing your job like you are pretending. Doesn’t sit well with most.
In summary, my point is to teach your child, especially your teenager, the importance of proper communication to your directed audience.
My boldness, humor, and honesty were essential to my sales but not in achieving career promotions.
For instance, the way you talk to your parents is much different than how you talk with your significant other. Have you ever discussed this with your teenager about relationships?
Discuss with your teenager the importance of having clear communication and how it keeps relationships healthy.
Here are a few examples of guidelines to follow that I have talked with my daughters about communicating with others.
- Use clear and precise directions when requesting a task to be performed
- Establish your comfortable speaking distance with everyone.
- Establish eye contact and keep constant eye contact
- Use your peripheral vision to read the person(s) body language
- Be careful of double edge words, words with negative connotation or meanings
- Tilt your head and show open hands when talking with someone. ( displays transparency and openness) No hand in pockets crossed arms or behind your back. (closed uncomfortable body language)
- Always greet your guest, present yourself and reiterate their name back to them. (ex. Hi, my name is Terry. It is very nice to meet you, Casandra.) It is Simple yet forgotten and lost.
- Always end your conversation with a salutation.
I highly recommend reading Thank You for Arguing by Jay Heinrichs. I first read this book years ago and have given out copies as gifts. It is very humorous and refers to pop culture to teach proper rhetoric.
The importance of knowing how to have proper rhetoric is that you can learn how to have substantial conversations without emotions getting the best of you.
If you look around today. Many adults and young adults are losing their cool at the drop of any disagreement. We cannot base our conversations on emotions and being offended.
Teach your child that being offended is a personal experience and should be dealt with in that way. One can control their emotions and temper to discuss what is irritating you or remove yourself from the situation.
Below is a video to explain and demonstrate phone skills to y
Teach your teenagers and children to communicate effectively, direct and clear. Enable them to properly argue and debate in any situation. Establish what behavior is tolerated and not tolerated; by you, your child and others.