What you say, is what you mean
How many times have you heard, “yes, I said that, but that’s not what I meant.”
What we say, meaning; what words we use, how we place those words in order, and the tone of those words. Does mean what you spoke. It may not be what you wanted to convey, but that is not your listeners’ fault.
We all need to learn to expand our vocabulary and sentence structure to convey clear communication of your thoughts, ideas, and emotions.
In this age of technology, people have lost the ability to communicate effectively and be understood. Mis understanding is the cause of some much pain, grief, and problems.
I honestly can remember endless examples of miscommunications between friends, family, relationships, and business dealings.
Where miscommunication caused breakups, fights, and led to the creation of enemies.
Only to be resolved years later, after one party explains themselves and the other party understands. We all could break this endless cycle by simpling learning how to effectively communicate and be understood.
If I understand you, and you understand me then we both know what we are thinking. Just like you might be with a best friend or close relative. They know your language and how you talk. Unfortunately, we all do not possess a decoder ring for your unique way of speaking.
Meaning that people hear you and get the just of what you are saying. But much of the details are lost. You may experience this when you ask of something and receive something close but not what you intentionally wanted.
Words of double meaning.
The dreaded double edge sword.
I believe one of the biggest culprits of how we talk is the double meaning of certain words.
In all honesty, laziness is the culprit for the use of many of these words. We have become lazy with a limited vocabulary, so we use words that mean multiple things, so we do not need to remember or learn more words.
The use of slang and abbreviations (like TTY, OMG, etc.) have deep roots in how people communicate today. These words are confusing and vague. A person who develops a strong and descriptive vocabulary can relay their thoughts with understanding, to the most part. The other part of the equation refers to the receiver of the message. They too must have equal knowledge of vocabulary to comprehend the message.
For instance, don’t talk over someone’s head. Know your audience and speak accordingly. Knowing words does not mean you can throw them around in peoples faces to make yourself seem smarter. An intelligent individual would understand their audience and talk to them, rather than over them. Hence, I do not believe most professors I have met are smart individuals. They may know the subject they teach through and through. But conveying that information to their students in a clear and precise way is usually a miss. I think an astute individual grasps how to communicate appropriately. So words do not make you smart, but they do make you very powerful. With the right words, you can persuade, lead, and produce the outcome you desire.
Some of the worlds best communicators and speakers will attest that they are not geniuses by any means. Although using the right words, in the correct order and with the right tone. Will inspire your listener to pay attention and comprehend your ideas.
Sticks & stones do break bones, and words really do hurt!
Its all in the way you say it
Back In the day, when I would hang out at the local bar with friends and strike up a conversation with the ladies. One of my buddies, who did not have the knack for speaking to women, would try to copy what I would say. I never believed in pick up lines, so it was never anything like that. I have a quick wit and a sense of humor that allowed me to conversate with the opposite sex. He, on the other hand, did not have those same skills. Today he is married with kids, but I remember this one time where I said something very slick, but slightly offensive to a female and she laughed. As a result, He immediately turned to the next woman and delivered the line, word for word. Her drink and hand both collided into his face immediately. To this day, I haven’t seen someone get slapped, and a drink tossed in there face that quickly.
Similarly, your tone and order of the words can cause real damage.
Hence how you say something does hold a weight to your listener. If you structure a sentence differently, It can produce a completely different meaning.
I really like your jacket!
I like your jacket, really!
One sentence may sound warm and genuine to one person. The another might come off insincere.
The tone in itself has considerable weight in the world. When you overhear various languages that you may or may not know. Take the time to listen to their tone. Some have harsher more direct tones, and some have a smoother, more romantic rhythm.
Now within the sound of your voice, there is the pitch. As the pitch is referencing to how high or low your voice is speaking. A high tone can be quite irritating to listen too, but we do find it funny to laugh at. So if you talk in a high pitch all the time and you are frustrated why no one is listening to you. This is the cause. A lower, more baritone pitch conducts authority. So speak in a more deeper pitch to motivate someone to listen and do what you want.
For instance, If you were going to give a presentation. You want your audience to be attentive and engaged. Becuase we all hate monotonous, drawn-out talkers, to the point you start drawing a noose and contemplating ending it all. I know that may be slightly dramatic but don’t lie, you know the feeling. In your speech, you should incorporate all your tones and pitches to keep your audience engaged. Read your listeners, make eye contact and you will know when to use a lower tone, and when to wake them up with a higher pitch to have them laugh or remember a specific word.
In NLP (Nero Linguistic Programming) practices that a high pitch can be used to hack the brain to remember words or events. Just like how you remember a car crash, you remember the screeching sound. Although on the flip side, high pitches or tones can be irritating if they are too high. In this case, it would be nails dragging on a chalkboard. Subsequently, we all find it hilarious when someone inhales helium and talks. In short, tone and pitch are not a simple thing to master, it takes education and training to be an engaging speaker. That’s why most of your meetings and classes are boring as hell.
A darker part of tone is how the negative tone of your voice can be very detrimental to anyone. I hear a lot of parents these days talk very negatively to the children. Consequently, they become enraged when their child talks back with the same tone. Kids are sponges, and they reflect what you dish out. Same goes for your husband, wife, co-worker, family member, friend, and pretty much anything in this world. If you talk favorable to anything, positive things occur. Studies show when people talk in positive nature to water, plants, animals, and people. Positive reactions happen. When positive words were told to water then frozen, the water formed in a beautiful ice crystal, where spoken thoughts negatively and then frozen. Grew round ugly ununiformed rings. If you want some to understand you, listen to you and love you back. You must show it through your words and your tone. As I said, it starts within yourself and grows outward. If you are kind, others will be kind to you.
If you don’t use your words, I don’t know what you want me to do.
I believe that two areas that take the biggest hindrance in our lives are our family/kids and our job. If you don’t convey the correct word or words and with the right tone, you will either. Start an argument, lose a sale or customer, have a lost looking teenager or spouse, or be wholly frustrated and call someone an idiot. All becuase you may not know how to communicate correctly. It all starts with you as you are the only one that controls you.
In this case, you could be asking your teenager or child to perform a chore, or maybe you might be asking an employee to do something. Never the less, when you are asking someone or a group of people to perform or accomplish whatever you are trying to get them to do. You must use the right words and tone to deliver that information so they may digest those words to understand how to perform the required result.
Take the time to be understood. Use more direct and descriptive words to direct people. In the many jobs, I have had, many of them just threw me into the mix without proper training or direction. Yet they expected a particular outcome without conveying the process to reach that outcome.
Consequently, without the education of proper terminology, an employee cannot perform his or her job effectively. If they do not know what something means, they cannot positively represent your company. How many times have you come across an inept salesperson that has not been adequately trained to help you make an informed decision? That’s what they are there for, yet few take the time to learn. I used to read the manuals, literature, or packaging to educate myself. Salespeople today frustrate me with the lack of salesmanship and knowledge. Salesmanship means you understand your customer’s needs and wants, then advising them on the products that fit those criteria. Again people do not always say what they mean. Thus a salesman’s job is to figure out what that criteria is sometimes. By listening and using descriptive words to see if that is what the customer is asking for or needs? It is not leaving your employees to fend for themselves and learn on the job. Including the store employee reading the shit I can also read on the box in front of me.
So how do you increase your vocabulary?
Well, the answer is quite simple and can be broken down into a few easy to remember parts.
Plainly just listen to people when they are talking, and you will inherit those words. I listen to lectures, language shows on youtube and audiobooks.
- Listen harder
Stop looking at what they are wearing or what’s wrong with them. Close your eyes and listen then. Listen to what they are saying and the message in those words and tone. They may be trying to say something else.
- Read more
Reading is the fastest way to increase your vocabulary and change up your reading selections from fiction to nonfiction to absorb both feeling and directive words.
- Listen to audiobooks, not the radio.
The radio uses dumb language and focuses on the topics of no real importance. Educate and expand your mind while driving. This is also an NLP brain hack into your subconscious. Your conscious mind is focused on hand to operate and watch traffic. Your subconscious mind absorbs what you hear and saves it in long term memory.